S'up, Bitch

Posted on Mon Nov 28th, 2022 @ 11:10am by Seshi Macae & Caithlin t'Leiya & Thaddeus Yu Dr & Cornelius Warner MS & Lieutenant Gunnar Arnason & Raikael t'Leiya

4,778 words; about a 24 minute read

Mission: Roll With It
Location: Inside the Bubble
Timeline: MD 02

The dragon was keen to allow the group further into the depths of his cavern, sneering at the ever so helpful banana as it let out a rude raspberry at the great beast.

Their pleasantries exchanged, the group was left alone by the dragon, who seemed more than happy to let them explore further inwards. As expected, the cavern was grand, filled with gold and jewels fit for any dragon in a land such as this. A familiar, sterile light was all that led them further onward, until they came to an all-too-out-of-place door, one that would be easily recognized by the whoosh of it sliding open to reveal one of the various hallways of the Bray Foundation.

Thaddeus looked around at the grand sight. Part of his mind was working really hard to try and estimate the value of each item he saw. Another part of his brain worked automatically on who he could sell each item to, or who at least would be the most like interested. He started to get a headache. This is what went on at this colony? "I need a drink," he muttered to the room in general, "leave the bottle."

Caithlin had never thought to agree with a Klingon; but she had to admit that at the moment she wholeheartedly echoed the man's sentiment.

"I got a bottle of blood wine I think, stashed somewhere once all this is over," Cornelius said, letting his usual tone sink in as he looked about the room. It was in of itself impressive, and the door to the outside (or was it inside?) world was a mystery he wanted answered, but the gold caught his eyes. It wasn't the wealth, he had all he needed to be honest, but it was the detail. Picking up a coin, he let it dance across his fingers. He studied it carefully, scanning the edges. "These are fake." The statement stood on it's own as he looked it it. "No signs of wear, no knicks or stratches. Not so much as a point out of place. Gold is too malleable for this to be real." He flicked the coin in Caithlin's direction. "So either our dragon is collecting fake gold, or none of this is real."

"It seemed real enough when it burned me in the fight earlier." Caithlin raised one eyebrow slightly, briefly slicking a sleeve up to show the oil-burn splatters on one wrist. "So if this is indeed some sort of illusion; it is perhaps one with real consequences. Which makes it real enough in terms of caution and strategy."

Gunnar had walked through the cavern barely glancing at the gold and jewels, which at this point it only further confirmed that whoever had staged ...whatever this was... was using ancient western European mythos. Besides, they were after all rather dated symbols of wealth; there wasn't anything in here that couldn't be produced by a replicator. "It may be actual gold, but created by matter-energy conversion. So, real, but little more than props."

"Really pretty props though," Zoe said admiringly, as she held up an ornate bracelet as though measuring for size.

"I wouldn't try that on if I were you," Gunnar warned. "Even if the dragon doesn't torch you for stealing, there's a fairly well-known myth cycle where a piece of jewelry stolen from a dragon turns the person who wears it into one."

For just a moment Zoe weighed the potential benefits of being able to breath fire, but that came with turning into a huge ugly reptile. She dropped the bracelet with a sigh. "So, potentially any of this could be cursed items. Great."

"You can complain to the 'wizard' when we find him." Gunnar paused at the door leading into what looked like a normal building hallway - after all the weirdness of the last however many hours, he couldn't quite bring himself to just believe his eyes on that. Suspecting that Caithlin at least might feel the same, he tipped an eyebrow at her. "This almost looks too real."

"Which may or may not be in our favor, depending on the cause." Caithlin dipped her head in a quasi-nod, hesitated a moment, then took a calculatedly-decisive step forward far enough to trigger the door to whoosh open.

As the door opened, a PaDD whizzed by Caithlin's head, followed by wires, panels, and other electronic components, before a voice bellowed from the opposite end of the torn-apart room. "CAITHLIN! And the cavalry! A happy to see cavalry at that!"

Out came Jason Bray, from behind a tilted over table that flickered between a wooden one and one similar to that of the metallic surfaces everyone was used to, clad in flowing blue robes and a pointy, matching hat. He came toward them with opened arms, ready to give the nearest a hug.

Zoe stepped back, putting Arnason's bulk between her and the crazy man's hug. Gunnar however simply stood there. As a nurse, random hugs out of shock and/or relief were something he had learned to take in stride.

Caithlin dodged the flying PaDD, one hand on the sword but not drawing, the other on Raikael, yanked firmly behind her, finally easing both grips away once she recognized Bray.

"Got a bit excited there, didn't I?" Jason stated, pulling from the hug with the barbarian-clad member of the group. "I've been trying to fix this issue since it started, but I can't get in contact with the representative who installed the demo to figure out what I'm missing."

"...Demo?" Caithlin inquired carefully, trying to remember what contracts she might have looked over and approved of late relating to anything that could have caused...Whatever this was, if Jason thought it was related. "You believe you know what is causing...this?" She gave an aborted hand wave at the area beyond and the insanity it contained.

Blonde eyebrows arched upward. "This is ...some sort of holotech gone wild?" It wasn't entirely a question. 'Holodeck Gone Wild' had been a half-joking reference to a number of stories passed down in unofficial Starfleet history. Gunnar glanced around his party: a candy striper, a lawyer, a shopkeeper, a restauranteur, and a pre-teen. No one likely to be able to hack in and shut the program down. And despite Starfleet training, he was hopeless with anything outside medtech. Raikael probably had a better chance of fixing this than he did. "Well," he scratched his beard, thinking. "If it's some kind of pre-programmed adventure, with any luck there's some way to force it to end gracefully."

"If it involves killing the 'wizard' for the dragon, though, we might have a problem." Raikael piped up from behind Caithlin, peeking around, apparently a vote against offing her aunt's boss.

"I can kill the wizard," Thaddeus offered vaguely, knowing these Startfleet types would do anything but.

"No." Caithlin said back emphatically; while dozens of men dead in her past by her hand, her influence, or her orders meant she had none of the qualms some of the rest of the group might at lopping a couple of heads off if she felt the cause or the need was for such; she wasn't keen to add Bray to that number. "He's not a creation of the...whatever this is. He's an actual resident of the colony, like all of us; he owns this building actually...when it is a building, that is."

Gunnar had reacted with 'No' at the same moment as Caithlin, then paused in surprise at hearing it from her. And moreso at her follow on, though on reflection it shouldn't have; she did have a firm sense of honor after all. Beyond that, Bray was her employer, in effect a patron of sorts that she would feel some obligation to defend.

Cornelius visibly grimaced, which faded to a look of resignation, and finally a heavy and disheartened sigh. "Mister Bray, do you have access to whatever this program is that we are dealing with?" He looked around the group, pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, and unclipped the sword from his belt to pass back to Gunnar. "If so, I'd like to take a look. I used to work with computers before I left Starfleet, maybe I could take a pass at it." There was an underlying half truth to all this. Cornelius had worked as an analyst, but he definitely still worked with computers.

"Though," he nodded to the sword he was passing off, "if the program has any manner of security protocol in place it would-" he stopped dead in his tracks. "Wait, is this a Ferengi holopark program?"

Caithlin raised an eyebrow slightly at this show and statement of an unusual collection of of knowledge and seemingly also skills for a bartender, and made a mental note to herself to further the so-far unsatisfactory digging she'd done in Cornelius' past. It had so far seemed on the level to a degree, but she was once again beginning to question that further. She didn't have an answer to the question, though, so glanced over at Bray for one.

For his part Gunnar was more hopeful than surprised by Cornelius' admission of past experience. After all, people he knew enough people who had served in ops or security and then took up entirely different civilian careers. One of the combat marines he'd treated after Gede II was now an accountant. However, he found himself fingering the haft of his axe, considering that if nothing else worked, there was the classic 'barbarian' solution to dark magic: smash magical items to smithereens. It was one he was loathe to use though, both because he hated the idea of playing to his assigned type and more importantly because it would involve several million credits worth of damage.

Despite the half-threat upon his life, Jason was more excited and relieved, especially once Cornelius stepped forward to prod around. "Of course it isn't Ferengi. Their technology doesn't tend to mesh well with ours. No, this was merely a commercial demonstration to aid with our archeological and anthropological studies of the planet - from Galactic Dynamic, if I'm not mistaken. That Procyar representative was in here just before everything... well, worked everywhere but in the hologram room." He made a gesture toward the room they stood in. "Be my guest. I've been taking a whack at it myself, but I may have made it worse, as there was not a treasure room beyond this door last night."

"This is Rocky's fault?" Caithlin's eyebrows drew together in both suspicion and annoyance: The little ringtailed contractor was practically her...she wasn't quite sure humans had an all-in-one word in their languages for one's colleague-yet-adversary like she was used to having; but it often seemed like the Procyor was forever sending over potential contracts that she was in turn forever finding loopholes in, and then he was forever devising better loopholes the next time. Honestly, she could respect it; as infuriating as it was he had skill at his craft...which appeared to be 'weaseling' as much as it was 'engineering'.

"Oooh, treasure room?!?" Raikael said at the same time, taking exactly half a step forward eagerly towards it before Caithlin's hand once again had a vice-grip on her shoulder. "There was this dragon outside that wanted us to kill you in exchange for whatever thing in its treasure hoard lets people get out of the barrier that's gone up around this part of town. Have you been into the treasure room yet?"

Stepping past, Corenlius leaned into the computer and began studying the schematics. Whatever holographic technology was at play partially worked still, and he squinted wearily through the large circular glasses. Crouching he began quickly thumbing through the controls, before discarding the civilian simplified control systems by pushing into the background of the controls themselves. It was terribly insecure, and would be beyond easy to backdoor itself - a note he mentally made to pass onto his superiors as well as Galactic Dynamic. It was a fragment of code that caught his eyes, and he sighed a deep heavy sigh.

"Of course," he muttered, pulling the glasses from his face and wiping the lenses clean. Dropping fully to his knees he pulled a panel off and stared at it skeptically, and then looked around the space. "And you're sure Galactic Dynamic built, designed, and installed this system for you, all by themselves?"

Jason knew better than to let his ego get between himself and the resolution to this plight. He threw the wizard hat off his head to look over Cornelius's shoulder, answering questions as they were asked. "I have not. I thought that room you all came from was the treasure room, but there's too much going on past that - and that blasted dragon threatened to eat me a couple of times. I'm not sure how successful the thing would be, but I wasn't about to find out. As for the program - I'll be honest, this is the first I've encountered Galactic Dynamics, and this is the first time they've sold to me. Mr. Lotor was insistent that the safety features programmed were rock-solid, but I don't believe we had much chance to talk about the origins of the program before he ran off. He did install it on his own, if that's any help, and he was quite proud of it."

Cornelius muttered a line of long and harsh curse words in a combination of Federation Standard, Romulan, and a creol language formed on the border worlds with Klingon space. His fingers danced a little and he sighed. "Well, Mister Lotor put a lot of lipstick on this pig, but this is a Ferengi Holopark system. Which explains a lot, namely the odd thematics of all of this. And the issues. And the fact this room where it's meant to be happening is the only room it isn't happening in." Pushing himself off of where he was, the man's eyes studied the walls, found a panel, an yanked it clear of the wall. "Fun fact, Ferengi believe if someone disables their holopark program, it's because they have no intent to pay. Depending on who he bought this from, and which Grand Nagas was in power at the time, trying to forcibly disconnect the power could have... consequences. That said there is a safety override somewhere, probably in this room-" his eyes scanned a series of conduits and interior control panels "- but finding it is easier said than done. Think, when they were doing the install, did he point out anywhere specifically that was important? Was there a big red If the simulation gets out of control, push this button?"

Caithlin waited silently to see what Jason would say as to the inquiries; but indulged herself with a consideration of exactly what, who, and how she would like to see pay for this all; including various Ferengi. The time she'd spent in the 70's during the war as a legal officer at coalition headquarters as part of the Empire's personnel on Deep Space Nine at the time had left her with a burning desire - never able to be fulfilled - to pin Quark and his staff up against the walls by their overgrown ears. In Rocky's case meanwhile, dangling him by the tail would probably work.

"I bet any override is back there, isn't it?" Raikael didn't have nearly the restraint her aunt did, and chirped the question to Bray to go alongside Cornelius' question, with a jerk of her chin and thumb alike to indicate the 'treasure room' door.

"Just a thought," Thaddeus said to anyone listening, mostly because he had little idea of what was going on or who they kept referring too. "Would the 'override' be this wizard or Rocky person, and you would push it by killing either of them? I can do it. Especially if there was something in the way of compensation. Wouldn't even be painful if that helps, I have training, a lot of training."

“So do I.” Caithlin’s eyes narrowed slightly at Thaddeus, and the lawyer seemed to be both sizing him up again, and also making sure to convey to anyone doing so to her that she was more than capable. “And no one is killing Jason. As for Rocky, he isn’t here; so we can rule that out as an option.” She sighed somewhat wearily and glanced over at Bray to try and get an answer to Cornelius’ question; hopefully one that didn’t involve offing anyone…though she had to admit the idea was exceedingly tempting sometimes where Rocky was concerned. “Did he point out an override when he installed the demo?”

"No one is killing anyone," Gunnar said firmly. It shouldn't have needed to be said, but looking between Yu and Caithlin, he somehow felt a need to say it. "Also, correct me if I'm wrong Mr. Bray, but I'd assume an override would be the first thing you would've tried. So the next question is: is there a way to shut off the power from here?"

Despite the potential threats on his life, Jason gave Thaddeus a big grin. "I appreciate the gusto on your solutions, all the same. Maybe I could offer you a job to help with some of our other lines of work - there isn't a whole lot of ... killing, persay, but... ah, we can discuss it a later time." The man plopped himself onto the edge of one of his consoles, stroking his chin as he did so. "No, I'm sure the colony won't be opposed to burying Galactic Dynamic under litigation if anyone's hurt, but! This is the main holo-room that he set the whole program up in. If there's a kill switch, it has to be here. Unfortunately, he didn't manage to tell me where it was before everything went haywire, but all of our rooms are set up with an override program if things get out of hand. Payton always managed to talk me into that one - "

As he continued to babble, he leapt off the console he was at, returning to the one Cornelius had been tinkering on. "The problem is this program has been making every attempt to over-ride whatever systems we've had, so digging through this has been the issue. It's like a hydra; bust through one bit of programming, and another two take it's place. I have to say, if this wasn't a Ferengi program, I'd be trying to hire the programmers on the spot... But, if there were a way to shove the programming to the side, we'd be able to get to the safety protocol in the Bray UI fairly quickly; the big red button, as it were."

Safety Protocols. Cornelius' eyes lit up. "Ferengi rule of Acquisition eighty-three - a dead client pays once. Also rule eighty-four, an injured client you pay thrice. Even the Ferengi have safety protocols in their holograms, designed to avoid serious injury or any form of recklessness. And seeing as none of us had to sign a waiver upon activation I can tell you this program is newer, probably post Reformation." He almost giggled to himself as he set to work digging through code and scanning over documentation quickly. There had to be some kind of safety system in place for everything the group was looking at. There was a segment of code surrounding items and medical entry and safety systems. Ferengi holoparks didn't allow transport in or out; another effort to avoid guests who may thing about not paying after. And if you charged before hand, they may not be willing to pay as much.

That said there was a way to create a weakness. If you were close to the edge of the park it would just eject you if you became injured or sick. This far in, a site to site transport would be required, weakening the security field. He stuffed a hand in his bag, and pulled out a small rounded bottle. "Someone drink this," he said, turning back to the console and setting to work isolating communications.

"Um..." Gunnar held up a finger. "Tell me you're not asking someone to drink poison in hopes of triggering a safety protocol," the medical officer replied skeptically.

"Mild toxin," Cornelius said matter-o-factly, not looking back from where he was. "According to our potassium rich friend I am supposed to know exactly what my pouch of tricks is good for. So, I thought real hard that I needed a poison that won't kill but will induce serious illness." His fingers paused, himself taking a half breath pause, before continuing in his work. "Someone sick enough to trigger a safety response should then also result in the transport lock out being disabled alongside communications. We get a message out, Luka sends engineers and medical staff, and we're free." His right hand came off the controls to snap quickly, accenting how he felt it was that easy.

“Walking that line is exceedingly dependent on both dose and target though.” Caithlin frowned, one eyebrow wiggling slightly. “What will make one species severely ill will outright kill another; not to mention size of and method of exposure, and weight, age, underlying health of the subject at the time, or cross-exposure to other circumstances or substances.” It was a rather disturbing familiarity with how such things worked for a backwater lawyer, at least until one realized or remembered said lawyer had once been a Romulan senator. “Unless you are absolutely certain of all of the answers to those questions as well - and able to articulate them - I can’t say I recommend it as a course of action.”

"Thank you," Gunnar said emphatically. Caithlin's familiarly with toxins (on one level disturbing, but on another entirely understandable given her background) had saved him a lecture. "And I do not have a medical kit on me if this doesn't work."

Zoe raised a hand. "The banana thing, like, said I might have healing magic?"

Gunnar pinched the bridge of his nose. "That is not an argument for trying this. If anything, it's a reason the program might not activate safeties since it gave us a healer." He looked up, cocking an eyebrow at Cornelius. "Also, unless you yourself are immune, I'll bet you have an antidote in your kit."

"Do you have a better idea then?" His tone was short, his own annoyance burning through the carefully constructed facade. Pulling the glassed from his face, he ran his forefinger and thumb across his closed eyes as if trying to push away a building headache. "We know this is some kind of holographic mess, and have no idea where the safety shut off is, if there is one. So we can go out, fight a dragon, risk injury that way, and maybe then have the program open up. Or we can hunker down here with Hopes and Dreams the person there," he shot an accustatory thumb at Jay, "And pray the people outside figure it out." He rant complete, and his anger burned through, the man turned back to his console and set to work on the computer controls to try and get a better idea of what other systems he might have access to.

"By Kahless' blade," Thaddeus muttered, "Give it here."

He stepped forward and reached out. "I have redundant organs, and a stronger immune system than most of the species here. No Federation ethical debates or long winded arguments, hand it over and let's get this done. And you," he said pointing to Cornelius, "dig into that bag of tricks and get whatever you have ready."

He looked over at Gunnar, "You some sort of medic? I hope you know proper responses for poisoning in Klingon anatomy. At least make sure I don't choke on my own vomit."

Gunnar all but facepalmed. So much to an end to the poison idea. "I am a medical officer, but since this program or whatever disappeared my medkit, keeping you from choking on vomit is about all I could do for poisoning. Also, if this triggers a safety, a Ferengi safety is likely to just transport you outside the game. I expect medical will be out there, but the question is how fast they'll get to you."

He turned to Cornelius. "You asked for other ideas: cut the power. I know from experience what happens to an EMH when all power is diverted to shields, and all this has to take a LOT more. If that isn't an option, then, Mr. Bray, you scream and hit the floor. I'll take your wizard hat out to the dragon and tell it you won't be a bother anymore. Which, once we have the relic to get out of here will hopefully be the truth."

"I think that's a little dramatic," Jason commented, eyes cautiously on Thaddeus. He was secretly a little grateful they had a more reckless member within their ranks; if not, the scientist would have felt obliged to take one for the team.

The poison wasn't great. As it went down Thaddeus had to from gagging. Barely having enough self control to get it all down.

"Not killing anyone today Medical Officer," he choked out at Gunnar with a smirk.

A sparkling pink aura surrounded the Klingon, and the banana on Seshi's shoulder shot forward, hovering over the man. It let out a few indiscernible noises, before shouting an alarm and ringing out an alert, first in Ferengi, before it slowly translated itself into a garbled mess of Klingon and Federation Standard. But, the overall message was clear:

SAFETY ALERT! MEDICAL PROTOCAL ACTIVATED!

And, as if it heard Gunnar's earlier comment, the man's medical bag unceremoniously popped into existence at his feet.

PLEASE ASSIST! continued the banana.

"So much for that plan." Caithlin muttered under her breath in her native tongue, once again considering the merits of banana bread at the loud, shrill demands. "If it will simply bring items to us and not us elsewhere." She glanced back and forth and stepped forward to the panel near where Cornelius had been working. "Maybe we cut the power while the program is distracted?" She kept the last comment not just in Romulan but in an especially highbrow dialect and accent; one she doubted a Ferengi system would understand well.

Gunnar grabbed his medkit with the kind of enthusiasm the dragon might have shown in scooping up a mound of treasure. Indeed, in his opinion it surpassed anything in the horde outside. Quickly running a scan over Yu, he was relieved to see the dosage wasn't fatal, but if he didn't act fast the toxin could lead to severe muscle necrosis. He loaded a hypo with a counteragent. It wasn't ideal for a Klingon patient but the best option among the standard ampules in the small kit. "You're right," he told the Klingon as he applied it. "You're not killing anyone today, even yourself. Though you may regret that, since I expect the side effects of what I have on hand for a cure are going to feel like a severe hangover."

"Then perhaps you should prepare a course of Vitamins Bs and Zinc. Anything you can do for hydration and carbohydrates would be useful as well." Thaddeus glanced at Gunner, "Today is a good day."

“Carbs don’t tend to last long in this building.” Caithlin offered, this time in standard; noting the curious modification to the traditional Klingon saying, filing it away for further research on the man once they were free of this infernal Ferengi trap. “Rocky eats them all; including all the coffee syrups; and someday I’ll prove it.” This last bit may have had a touch of annoyance in it that she hadn’t been able to do so already.

A chirp came from Cornelius' console. "It's taking time for Mister Yu to stabilize," he read out from where he was. "I have his bio-stats here, which is a great sign, if you want to read them. But first... I can send a message to the outside. Text only, but I have access to comms, so why don't see see who we can ring up?"

 

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