Today is a Good Day for Pie
Posted on Mon Nov 14th, 2022 @ 9:08am by Ensign Delia Sil
1,325 words; about a 7 minute read
Mission:
Roll With It
Location: Replimat 2
Delia put her hands on her hips and cocked her head, mouth quirked wryly as she scanned the diagnostic displayed on the malfunctioning replicator. "Okay, so no matter what anyone orders, they get pie. But it's perfectly nutritionally balanced pie. Pie with all vitamins, minerals and protein you need! Why would anyone complain about that?"
"I guess," Otille replied," That depends on what sort of pie you like. Peacan pie, blueberry pie, Yavorivs'kiy, pizza pie..." She listed them off on her fingers as she went. "And people still have allergies, maybe, I mean I can't go near Kiwi fruit, or Lorella."
"I guess it would be better if you could at least specify which pie you wanted," Delia conceded with a sigh, and resumed tracing data in the diagnostic. "It looks like the A-21-L2 chip in the selection processor is glitching. We can open it up and pull the control board to replace it or try a patch through interface."
"Strategically speaking, should probably find out if we have any A-21-L2 on hand." Otille leaned against a wall. "I don't want to be back here in a week because some bored teenager messed with the interface." Oz stiffened suddenly, "Not that I would know if that was actually a thing. I'm in security, I've heard rumours..."
"Uh-huh." Delia rolled her eyes with a smirk. She'd grown up shuttling back and forth from planet to station and knew full well the kinds of pranks kids played with accessible equipment. And strongly suspected Oz did as well. "Before going off to check supply, maybe we should try a software patch. I don't suppose you learned anything about that from those 'rumors' you've heard about?"
"Ah, sure," Oz replied blushing slightly. Such knowledge was in fact how she ended up in Security in the first place. "Just need to find the corrupted code first and see if it can be worked around." Otille's fingers flew over the keypad with obvious easy; forgetting that she didn't want to reveal to much about the "rumours" as she slid into the familiar world of coding. "Gonna take me a minute or two."
Delia just watched with a smirk. If Otille didn't know how to debug it, she would've pulled on some her own experience with replicator pranks to try and fix it. "Minute or two is still pretty fast for only having rumors to go on," she teased lightly. "Let me know when you're ready and I'll order something to test it out."
"I'm in security," Otillie muttered, "I've had training." It took a few more minutes that she would have liked. The coding just looked odd somehow but it was still pretty basic stuff, in theory. "I'm not one hundred percent here but that looks like it should be alright for now."
Delia nodded. "Okay, let's try an order." She re-activated the voice recognition and stepped in front of the replimat. "One banana split." The machine hummed and Delia leaned down to watch what materialized inside.
**Splat!**
A cream pie ejected from the replicator, hitting her square in the face. Delia wiped goo from her eyes and licked a gob off her index finger. "It is banana, but I think it needs some more work," she stated wryly.
"At least the service was fast," Otille said sniggering. "Although I don't know what on my frozen Aunt's arse what could make it launch like that." Tapping her chin thoughtfully, "if the molecules were forming too fast, an excess of energy could result in... flight." She watched as some banana cream dropped onto Delia's boot.
"Maybe try dialing that back a bit?" Delia suggested, trying to wipe banana cream off her face and out of her hair. "Though we still have the pie problem. If we delete pie entirely as an option, that might force a reset."
"We can try both," Otillie nodded and turned back to the interface. After a few minutes she turned back to Delia, "Want to try again?"
"Okaayy," Delai said cautiously, this time stepping a bit to the side before making her order, which for extra safety avoided dessert entirely. "One cheese omelet."
The replicator hummed, then fizzed, then something flung just past the delivery surface and promptly plopped to the ground, right on Delia's foot. She looked at the mess of broken crust and yellowish goo, then bent down to examine it more closely, and frowned. "Quiche. But it is egg and cheese and it didn't hit me in the face."
Otillie sat back on her haunches, "this isn't working, we're going to have to replace the chipset. Or at this rate we're going to be rewriting the entire code." She looked up at Delia, "either that or we can stay here all day programming the colony's best food fighting machine."
"I guess so," Delia agreed with a sigh. Her mouth quirked sideways in a somewhat devilish half-grin. "Though programming the colony's best food fighting machine sounds a lot cooler than replacing a faulty chip."
"It does," Otillie admitted, "At least until the Seniors found out. Maybe somewhere down the track we can add it in as an optional extra. I'm sure the schools will find it interesting."
"Worth a write up at least," Delia remarked as brushed herself off, quirking a smile as she imagined bombarding a certain officious Ops officer with a pie-throwing replicator tucked under a shuttle. "Or maybe a holoprogram. But for now, I'll go fetch the replacement chips."
"Fetch away," Otillie replied, "I will remain here and make sure the local teens don't find out our replicator advancements." And keep fidiling with the coding to see what happens. She sunk back into the code and started muttering to herself, "Furious Advance Replicator Technique, Advance Food Area Response, Complete Offensive Food Fighting Extreme Effect...."
"Peace Through Superior Pie Power," Delia quipped as she returned with the chips and handed them to Oz. "Actually, I feel like that one could work - fill people up with enough good pie and they'll food coma and give up on fighting anymore. I'm putting that down as a conflict resolution strategy on the command proficiency exam."
"That could indeed a good idea. Oz got to work replacing the chip set. "All this talking about pie is making me hungry." And she could use some company. And Delia was rather cute. And she was a commissioned officer which meant it would be against regulations. She sighed and continued working.
"It won't be much of a test if you just order pie," Delia teased. "What else are you hungry for?"
Otillie's head rolled back and she looked Delia in the eye, "So much," she replied. "Yavorivs'kiy is sounding good, but we're talking no pie. No pie, no pie, I don't know all I can think of is pie." And cute officers. "Tacos? Everyone likes Tacos."
She should have stayed at the Academy, but no she had to get out into the action. Wrong word.
"Yes, I love tacos, especially fish tacos - baha style with mango salsa, extra hot," Delia enthused, mind completely on food. She was seriously hungry after all of this. "If it works, then you should order yavorivs'kiy to prove pie still works - I don't know what that is, but I love trying new things."
Try me? Oz stood up clearing her throat. "Computer yavorivs'kiy". She watched as the potato and buckwheat pie materialized. It smelled right, and it wasn't flying. She picked it up and moved away from the replicator. "Ok, your turn for tacos".
"That smells good," Delia said, eyeing what looked somewhere between pie and a loaf of bread, but the scent said something savory. "But, tacos. Here goes nothing." She turned to the replicator. "Computer, baha fish tacos, mango salsa, extra hot." There was a brief whirred and then a plate of tacos appeared.
"Yay! Success!" Delia crowed, taking her order. She smiled at Oz. "Want to share?"
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